I have to say, being a mum isn’t easy.
This post is dedicated to my youngest son, Muhammad Isais (pronounced Ee-za-is).
I don’t share much of my personal life on my blog but turning one is a big deal!
A letter to my youngest.
As I am sitting here typing this up, you my son have come back and forth for a bit of my breakfast. Nothing special mind you, just a fried egg on toast and all I’m feeding you is the toast. It’s as if you have not yet been fed, in fact – you already have had a whole adult-size bowl of oats and a big feed of breastmilk! I fear you and your siblings will make your father and I broke from the amount you all eat!
In nothing but your nappy today, you are walking around the house like you own it. Whilst trying to type this up, you’ve chucked a shit and of course, acting as if the horrible stench is not coming from your rear end. I pick you up to remove all the smelly residue from your nether regions and make a bath for you in the laundry sink. It’s far easier and more water efficient to wash you in there than in the shower or the bath. All clean, hair shampooed and combed, some lovely smelling Johnson‘s baby powder on and a fresh new nappy as well as some shorts, you are happily watching Bananas in Pyjamas now with your bro.
I’m sorry I haven’t got a big party planned for you today like your other siblings had when they turned one. I did say being a mother is hard and you won’t understand this until you have a family of your own, but mum isn’t working anymore we’re trying to keep on top of everything. This means you don’t get an extravagant, well planned, well put together birthday party like your siblings did. But really, you won’t remember it anyway. Having a cake at home with your family and extended family will still make you a happy chappy and therefore this is how we are going to be spending your day today, my sweetheart.
The past year, you have grown so quickly and you are far too clever for your own good. From your early days you developed fast, the strength in your neck to look around to your sweet first smiles, you were a heartbreaker. When you were a few months old the rolling started and soon enough you were commando crawling. Your crawl became so perfected and in no time, you can speedily move from one side of the room to another. I was so surprised to see you pulling yourself up more and more frequently at 7 months old. I didn’t think you were far away from walking when you started to stand for longer at a time and by 10 and a half months old, you were already walking. You certainly have the drive to get going, trying to always chase after your homeboy and homegirl. You are the fastest one to start walking out of your siblings, who each took a good year at least to find their feet. I never believed it was possible but after hearing your Nenek (Nana) tell me your dad started walking at 9 months old, it only makes sense that one of you kids follow his footsteps.
Nothing stops you now. Not even falling over, hitting your head on the drawer handle and cutting it deep enough for blood to be gushing out of the gaping deep cut. Nope. Having it glued back together with the prompt and fast paced services from PMH (Princess Margaret Hospital) didn’t stop you. I have lost count of the amount of times you have fallen over and repeatedly hit your head in the exact same spot (’tis no wonder it isn’t healing too nicely), even falling down the stairs one time. You truly take ‘exploring’ to a whole new level. You are a bright child and I can already see your mind processing things well before your age.
Despite the days you just want to cling to me, make me want to rip out my hair, the times you bite everyone, the near heart attacks you give me from you nearly hurting yourself and the times you pull your arms out of the seatbelts of your carseat and try to stand up, there are far many more times you make me laugh, make me smile, make my heart feel so full, make me so proud to be your mother and make our family feel whole. As you now lay in my arms fast asleep, sweaty and all from having yet another feed, know you are one of the most precious gifts I have ever received in life.
I may not be able to give you everything you want and in life, you will need to learn this the hard way but I will try my best to give you anything and everything I can that is within my power to do so. I may not be the best mum but I try my best to be and I hope that is enough to make you proud to be my son. Your smile is a healer to my heart, your cuddles are so snugly and your little hand on my heart is completely fulfilling.
A BIG HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY TO YOU!